Palmerston North - Tenth Circle of Hell?

Palmerston North, which is quite close to where I live, gets a lot of stick.  John Cleese, on visiting the city, was moved to say "If you ever do want to kill yourself, back lack the courage, I think a visit to Palmerston North will do the trick".  Like dirty old gay man's Gore, the city couldn't take a joke and the mayor got quite uppity about it.

I'd like to defend Palmerston North... but I'm not going to.  It's truly NZ's crappiest city.  Shortly after arriving in this part of the world, Lisa and I made our first visit to Palmy and within 20 minutes of arriving I'd been called a "race mixer" by some of the city's many charming young people (Lisa is of Taiwanese extraction and I am a European, so I'm sure you can understand their disgust at the idea we might spawn some sort of half human/half beast).  I wish I'd been a bit sharper and pointed out I am only a potential race mixer as Lisa and I have no children yet, but I was too busy being incredulous.

I'm not one to judge a city solely on its skinheads - there is plenty more to hate about the city that brought us Judy Bailey and Fred Dagg (two of the three highlights of Palmy history, the other being the construction of "The Plaza" shopping mall).  Just take a walk about the city center.  There is just something about it that makes you want to gouge out your own eyes.  I'm not sure if it is the total lack of character, the undercurrent of total despair or the more-slovenly-than-slovenly youth or something else. And the thing of which Palmy seems most proud?  Yes, it's The Plaza.  Why the hell would the majority of a city's tourist information direct you to a mall, a place that could be anywhere else in NZ?  Actually, come to think of it, perhaps that's the point...

To try and make ourselves better about living within a 20 minute drive of NZ's ringpiece, Lisa and I headed up the road to Wanganui a.k.a Whanganui.  Wanganui has a reputation of gang violence and general unpleasantness.  We loved it.  Wanga-vegas has charm, character, beautiful parks and no shopping mall to speak of.

Other than its mall, Palmy has a host of other delightful attractions and activities.  You can take in the views of the mall from the mall's carpark, luncheon in a cafe overlooking the mall or perhaps wander the streets surrounding the mall which the mall has sucked the life out of.  A night on the town in is a charming experience if you don't mind wading through ankle deep vomit, being sucked into the gravitational fields of numerous planetary-sized lycra-clad wobbling objects (the city's young ladies) and having the nagging sensation you might be set upon by skinheads (the city's young men).

You're probably going to hell after you die, and if you want a taste of what it's like before you depart this mortal coil, I highly reccommend a vist to Palmerston North.